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| May have started a family disaster |
Anonymous |
09/14/06 |
Recently my husband was transferred to a job in another state. We did live in the same state as his mother and brother. His other brother and sister lived in other states.
My husbands mother has been ill for several years. His brother lives with her and has been her primary caregiver all of this time. At times she has gone to her daughters and spent a few months or to her other sons for a few weeks at a time but she is never comfortable for long periods in their homes.
Her daughter is always trying to get her to sell her house and move in with them and add on to their house..Things like that. My husbands mothers doesn't want to move. We have thought she would get better care with her daughter but we are not her and cannot make her decisions for her..
My husbands brother isn't the best care taker in the world but he tries hard and he has done alot of nice things for her. Replacing carpet and bad appliences. things like that. He also see that she has food and goes to the doctor. The one thing we haven't liked is that he doesn't show affection well and so he seems harsh but has never been abusive.
My husband worked odd hours which made it difficult for him to be as involved in his mother daily care as his brother has been. We have a big family and no room.
We had known that she was concerned about her "assets". My husband told her before we left that he wasn't in the least concerned about what she did with her money or her house. He also told her that we owned a home, his other brother and sister were both married with kids and owned homes which are worth much more money than her home could ever be but the one who had been her caregiver didn't and was also going to be all alone one day and so he thought it was only fair that the house be left to his brother in the event that something ever happened to her..
We could see the relief in her eyes when he said that. It was like a burden had been lifted from her mind. She has annuities that will be divided equally amoung her children. We told her that if she wanted to leave the house to him that she had better do something about it by a legal standpoint because if it wasn't made legal then the state would make the executer of her estate sell it and divide the money.
Well....we moved and since then we don't get calls from his brother in another state or his sister. They don't even call her. Apperently she told them that she was giving the house to the son who takes care of her. We keep in touch with her of course.
I think my husband was perfectly justified in telling her that is was alright to leave the house to his brother. Like I said He maybe hasen't been the best caregiver in the world but he has been doing it for nearly 10 years. He replaces anything that goes bad in the house with his own money. He sees that her needs are met.
My husband told me that when his mother passes, he will help his brother prepare the funeral and all but that he wants nothing to do with his mothers material goods. If he gets money from annuities then fine but if he doesn't that's fine too. He refuses to fight about money. I agree with him..
One of these days either his brother or sister is going to confront him with what he told his mother. They will not accept his reasoning behind saying what he said. What shoud he tell them?
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