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Question/Subject:

Sexual Harrassment dilemma

A friend of mine works as an associate minister at a church. She loves her job and the church community thinks the world of her. There's just one little problem: her boss, the head pastor, is sexually harrassing her. In the most obvious incident, he told her that he was writing her job evaluation and then proceeded to coerce her into allowing him to sodomize her at his home. Now she doesn't know what to do: despite her hurt and fear, she likes her boss as a person and doesn't want to see his reputation ruined. She also likes his wife and doesn't want to lose her friendship. Furthermore, if it ever came to light, her reputation would suffer just as much damage as his, if not more. However, if she does nothing, there is a good chance that it will keep happening, and that she will lose her job (which would be a serious financial hardship for her) if she refuses to comply.

My question is this: how can my friend best protect herself, her reputation, and her job, in this situation?

Well,

first of all,
you shouldnt want to be there (anymore)....,

but you can postpone the very moment to take that decision.

First of all,she must choose for herself.
She has to stop thinking about HIS carreer or the feelings of HIS wife.Its about HER now and nothing else.

First of all,your friend can just keep going along as far as she is willing to go and be firm in her rejection to fulfill his wishes.(in other words,just being strong)
If she can do this,she might stay there for her lifetime.

She should keep track of all occasions she is harrassed.(Date,place,nature,you name it).

She should talk this over with third parties,she trust and who is trustworthy.

There may be a moment,that it is inevitible to inform higher (trustworthy) authorities.(the big risk is to lose her job by transferral in order to settle).

She never must be in an embarrassing situation getting subject to blackmail.
She should collect embarrassing facts about HIM.

She must balance the price she is paying to the joy of the position.

Somebody should tell her,that this man is NOT a likable person.He is a disgusting person.

Your friend should realise,that the longer this is going on,the more remote her chances will get to survive the turmoil!

She must asap collect all embarrassing data and make her complains properly and convincingly documented.

Although she must consider her joy and the appreciation of the community,its also thinkworthy if one should be willing to work in an environment and with a community,in which apparently there is no room for the truth........

Your friend is surely losing her job,if the working-situation is deteriorating,so she should be ahaed of such a situation,to have a chance to survive if it comes into the open!

Not unimportant:
Maybe its just an one effort harrassment.So the best thing one could do in such a situation is firmly reject and just proceed confidently as if this one time harrassment never happened.

Its important to get over with it as soon as possible.No one can pleasantly work or live in such a situation for a longer time.
Her goal should be to end this situation asap.

If she cannot live with ruining his carreer(which he's doing by himself) or the feelings of his wife or the chance,that the community will choose for him or the chance that the board will choose for him,
she should quit.

Wish her strength!

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